Caroline's Diary
by MarySLi
Summary: Two years after the incident, Caroline decides to write a diary in the form of letters to Tyler, describing her life after his dead. Not too good for summaries xd just read!
1. Chapter 1: September 11, 2003

**Disclaimer: I don't own Remember Me**

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September 11, 2003

Dear Tyler:

Two years.

Two years.

It is easily said.

I haven't forgotten that day. Anyone had and guess it will be kept in our minds forever.

You know? We never found your body. Not that we had expected to. But it would have been fine to tell you goodbye at least.

I never said you "goodbye".

When I saw the towers going down, my first reaction was surprise. Then, I denied it could possibly be truth. And, finally, when I realized it was truth, I got this awful pain that keeps living in my chest with every beat.

You were my brother. You _are _my brother, my protector, my support, the only one able to understand me. I will never forget that day when you went to my school and gave those girls the lesson of their lives. I was so young, so innocent. And you defended me. You always protected me.

During these last two years, I tried to be stronger and smarter, so I could take care of myself, but it is too difficult without you.

However, dad now pays more attention to us. You were right, he really cares about me. And mom is working hard to keep me safe. She has become a little over-protective. You can imagine how it was for her to lose two of his sons, so she doesn't want to lose me now.

She cannot replace the emptiness you left with your departure, neither me.

Where are you now, Tyler?

I'm pretty sure that in heaven, since you were the most incredible brother in the world.

Is it pretty there? Are you having a good time?

Do you miss me?

Can you hear these unspoken questions?

Will you give an answer?

I feel alone. Even when I know I'm not, since mom, dad, Aidan and even Ally are always there for me.

Can I tell you something?

Some nights I can't sleep thinking of how you died.

Died… the word itself keeps hurting.

Did you suffer? Was it really so terrible?

Answer me.

Sitting here, in front of your grave and writing makes me remember how you used to write to Michael.

I hope you both are together now.

Well, I think I better go; I have some things to prepare. Oh, I didn't tell you, right? I got a scholarship to study art in France! I'm leaving in two days and will be back when the semester ends. Are you proud of me, Tyler? I know I'm too young to go, but it is like a dream came true. I promise I'll keep writing to you. I never forget you, bro.

Mom, dad, Aidan and Ally send you their greetings. They are all fine, don't worry.

Kisses and hugs:

Caroline


	2. Chapter 2 September 16, 2003

**Well, here is the second part, if I have any grammar mistakes, please tell me. I'm new in this.**

**By the way, thank you for the reviews! Hope you keep enjoying this. **

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September 16, 2003

Hey there, Tyler!

I've just arrived to Paris. This city is so cool! I think you may have loved it. It is so full of art, culture, poetry… a city full of life.

I am staying with a French family. They are really kind to me, but I don't get the language at all. Hope I can completely understand it after a month here.

The only member of the family which hatred I can feel is the son's. His name is Jean, he is two years older than me, but it kind of reminds me of you. He is so overprotecting with her sister that, when he knew she was making the exchange with me, tried to travel along with her. Naturally, he couldn't, but he has been so unkind to me because of this… I think he hates me. Being in a house alone with a teen like he, brings bad memories to my mind.

Wish you were here to defend me.

I know I promised myself to be stronger and independent, but sometimes it is just so…so…difficult without you.

When you passed by, you took a piece of my confidence away.

Can you bring it back to me?

You taught me so many things…art thing, above everything, but you never taught me how to take care of myself. Guess you thought you would always be around.

I thought that too.

We were wrong. We should have known that you wouldn't always be around me.

But, however, I like to think that you are here, now, with me; reading this and patting my head. Telling me some jokes, making me smile; whispering everything will be alright.

I trust you. I always trusted you. But I cannot avoid asking myself if I'm not losing my mind. I have always been the weird girl; the phenomenon; the dreamer. You used to tell me that that wasn't bad at all, did you say it just because you didn't want me to be sad? Or did you really mean it?

I need you here, bro.

Jean is arguing in the other room. His parents are trying to calm him down, but I know enough French to realize that he is talking about me. Besides, he named me at least three times, and used some words not very polite.

He doesn't want me here. Would you make him change his mind?, because it kind of hurts me.

Well, I gotta go. It is late and I am tired.

Wish me luck at my first day in school.

Take care of mom and dad.

Kisses and hugs:

Caroline.


	3. Chapter 3 September 26, 2003

**Sorry for taking so much time to update, is just that I've been so busy these days with school, projects, exams, etc, but here is the new chapter. Hope you like it and leave a review if you can!**

**Remember me is not mine, I'm not that good.**

**Kisses and hugs!**

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September 26, 2003**

Hi, Tyler

Orange and brown leaves are falling over my head. The Senna river runs right in front of me while I sit under this tree and write this letter to you.

It has been almost two weeks since I last wrote. So many things had happened and, the more I think about it, the more I convince myself I need you here.

You would love this place, Tyler. Paris is such a beautiful city, full of colors and emotions. Even at night, the urban lights illuminate the streets and music sounds all days at all places. But, the most important, everything is full of art, even the buildings have some artistic expression in their forms.

However, this is not enough to fill me.

My first week at school has passed and what I saw just got me down. Here it is not like home, not that I expected it to be. What I mean is that my draws and paints are nothing compared to what other pupils do.

I'm just another small and insignificant girl.

And, to help that sensation, things at the house go worse and worse. If Jean was mean at the beginning, now he is annoying. He keeps on insulting me and he doesn't even bother on thinking about what he says.

And I think he is right. I shouldn't be in his house.

Today, he said that if I didn't go, he would make his luggage and go with his aunt. His parents didn't know what to answer. Of course the'd prefer him than me, an strange girl that arrived from the other side of the sea.

And I am not causing anymore problems, so I decided to leave without telling. I'd already called mom and dad to tell them I'm okay, but they don't know I escaped.

I know what you would have done. You would have given that boy a lesson, but I'm afraid I'm not that brave.

And you are not here.

So I'm sitting in this place with all my things and money, I think I will be able to find somewhere to spend the night.

Yes, I'm afraid.

I'm horrified. But this is the right thing to do. I won't be a nuisance again.

Wish me luck, Tyler. And take care of me from wherever you are. I always think of you.

Kisses and hugs:

Caroline


	4. Chapter 4 September 27, 2003 Alone

**Hey there! I'm sorry I took so long to update, is just that I have been so busy these last days, but I'm back again! Hope you enjoy this, cuz' I put my heart on it haha xD**

**Leave your comments!**

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**September 27, 2003

It is round 2 am. I still cannot get sleep. So many noises keep me awake, so many ghosts haunt me.

The bed where I'm lying is too hard and rough. The ceiling is almost falling down and so many strange voices keep talking from the other side of the wall. The place is awful, a hotel for hookers and travelers. I know what you would have said: this is not a place for a 13 year-old-girl, but is still the best I could get without spending all the money I have.

I wonder if my adoptive family is looking for me. And if they are, do you think they do it because they care about me or because they don't want to have legal problems?

However, the only thing that's true is that you are not here to help me. I'm trying to be strong and survive by myself, but it is just too hard when you are alone in a strange country, with no family, with no love, with no hope. I've lost my hope once again, Tyler, and I'm afraid it won't come back.

The night is cold. I am afraid. There's no one here to protect me. And I am alone. Where is God now, Tyler? Does He even care of what's going on? Or is he too busy with some other things to take care of me?

All that I'm sure of is that I'm not gonna go to school. Probably they will be searching for me and I'm not sure I wanna be found. At least not today. At least not tomorrow.

Night is cold, Tyler. There's no one here to warm it up a little.

Hear me, please. Come for me. I'm alone and frightened.

Wait up a little, my mobile is ringing.

It was them, the Forey, my adoptive family. I had to turn off the telephone; I don't wanna hear them right now.

The only one I wanna hear is you, and you seem to be deaf. Or maybe I'm the deaf one.

How much time can I remain as a fugitive? I want it to last the enough time to get my mind together of what I am going to do.

I cannot go back to US, I will disappoint mom and dad. But I don't wanna be here. I'm trapped.

I'm gonna draw a little, Tyler, maybe doing that I will stop crying and get some sleep.

Good night, Bro.

Hugs and kisses,

Caroline.


	5. Chapter 5 Christmas special!

**I know, I know, I took so long to update and I am so sorry! Is just that I've been a little too busy, but I'm back! Thank you for all your reviews and I hope you enjoy this cheesy and emotional story haha.**

**Well, today it is december 24, so I decided to interrupt a little bit the plot and write A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! It is the first Christmas they spend without Tyler, that means, December 24, of 2001. Hope you enjoyed it, I almost cried while writing haha**

**Remember to leave a review and MERRY CHRISTMAS! God bless you all!**

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December 24, 2001

Lights. Colors. Christmas trees. Santa Claus. Gifts. Dinner. A big turkey with some potatoes.

What's the point?

I'm sitting down in the big sofa of the living room. Dad is finishing with the tree's decoration and the smell of food comes floating from the kitchen right into my face.

Alley and Aidan had just arrived, together with Alley's father which name I can never get to remember. I think they brought some gifts, dad tells them to leave all the packages under the Christmas tree with the rest of the presents.

Alley smiles at me and I try to force a smile back. I feel like she is able to see right into my soul, cause' the look in her eyes is of pity and sadness. Aidan does the same, but he prefers avoiding my gaze and helps dad with the Christmas lights.

Wait a second; I think Alley wants to talk a bit to me. Why can't they just leave me alone?

...

Finally! I'm alone again. I don't know if that should make me happy or just depress me more. I wouldn't mind having some company if it was you the one who sits beside me and ask me how I feel.

You know, Tyler? This is the first Christmas we are going to spend without you. I still can't believe you are gone, I can't make up my mind that there will be no one tonight that will tell me to close my eyes and take out a huge box out of nowhere just like you used to do. You always gave me something special, even when you had no money to buy anybody else's gifts.

You always seemed to have money, time and smiles for me.

Remember when I was little? Just a girl back then, you used to take me up to my room to sleep, all because I didn't want to leave the Christmas tree until I had seen Santa Claus. Nobody else was able to take me apart, but you always persuaded me with candies, stories and games.

And, some time later, when I grew up, you started the ritual where you always get to surprise me in some way or another.

Remember when you spread my gifts all around the house? You said: _There's a surprise just round the corner. _I didn't get it until I found a big box with paintings just outside, in the garden, next to the corner. And some other gifts spattered all around.

It was weird, but special…and beautiful.

But now…there are not going to be any surprises. Mom and dad are always busy, not as much as before, but they don't have the time to prepare big things like that.

And I can't wait that kind of presents from Aidan or Alley.

This is Christmas, and it is supposed to be a happy eve, but it doesn't feels like that. I feel lonely and left behind. Everyone has something to do, and I am just here writing letters that maybe will never get to be read.

Can you read this? I'd really appreciate it if you take a little of time to pay attention to what's going on down here on Earth.

I'm sure you are happier there, in Heaven, because there is where you must be right now, with God and Jesus.

Can you tell them to look in my direction just for a moment? And can you do it too? Because I am lost and I don't think I can be found.

There's nowhere to run, nothing to do but watching this life passing by without you. There are no more adventures, no more protection, no more laughs at midnight.

There's no older brother anymore.

These last months had been the hardest days of my life. I don't think I will ever be able to get over your death.

But tonight is Christmas Eve, where magic can happen, right? If I pray strong enough, will you come tonight and give me the biggest gift of all: a hug?

Because I need it right now. I need you right now.

Well. There's mom calling us for dinner. Maybe if I imagine you are in the table eating with us, I won't be that sad, hopefully.

Good night, Tyler.

I love you and I miss you.

Kisses and hugs

Caroline

Pd. Merry Christmas!


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